Transmutation Ritual Pt. 1

transforming your biology

I have an affinity for doing dishes--especially for someone I love. I used to dread them growing up, my tower of a task after dinner that was messy and hot, and I seemed to always be doing it wrong. (How can someone do them wrong? Still trying to figure this one out). Criticism was the norm and perfection the expectation. The sponge hadn’t been wrung out all the way, I missed a flower of broccoli in the sink, the disposal didn’t run long enough, or the dishwasher wasn’t Tetris A+. If it sounds silly and shameful, it was. Now, I love doing them. Seeing them sit in the sink seems like a waste if my hands could be productive in supporting myself or someone I care about. They are never expected of me, and for that reason, I love doing them even more.

My love language I know for a fact is physical touch, but this ‘act of service’ is next in line. It’s a small way for me to show up for whom I love. Saying: “I got you”. It’s also the art of ritualizing the mundane. Turning a chore, a previously dreaded task into something healing, soothing, and beautiful. It’s meditative. It’s rewriting the code I never wrote for myself. I will never be bad at doing dishes in my eyes, Madeline’s, or Lover’s, especially because they aren’t expectant, just appreciative. It’s only an added bonus when Lover comes up to the sink behind me, his arms thanking me in an embrace. I cannot emphasize enough how precious, important, and transformative for me this is. But for others, they are just dishes.

The brilliance of wanting to do something for others and the capacity to express love and connection completely knocks toxic expectancy and shame out of the window. It’s taking what we once knew because of what we were taught to believe, ritualizing it making it our own, and transmuting it into a safe space. You have the power to do this with anything!

Transmutation- the action of changing or the state of being changed into another form:

1. • physics

     the changing of one element into another by radioactive decay, nuclear bombardment, or similar processes.

   • biology

     the transformation of one species into another.

   • mystic

     the alchemical process of changing base metals into gold.

Charles Darwin, the father of evolution has been coming to my attention recently. He recorded the transmutation of species, where one species could eventually develop into another. Could it be coincidence? Sure. Do I believe in that? No not really. I’m thinking there’s a reason for this Darwin madness, and that evolution is closer to ‘us’ than we think.

I keep building upon the concept that we all have innate ways of being, the human design, what our ancestors set up for us. This can be through the lens of divine guidance or generational trauma. It’s about the code that we never wrote for ourselves, but it is up to us to rewrite, redesign, transmute if needed. We all have the power to rewire our brains and patterns.

The little transformations, like ritualizing doing dishes, or the intention of crafting your morning coffee, turn into mass archaic evolutions that will mark our difference on this Earth from those who were here before us. We are taking a damaged fragile frame and putting some TLC into ourselves to restructure the foundation. And with a solid foundation, comes a future home for us and our children. (This can be strictly metaphorical too, children being the energy we leave behind). We can acknowledge the limitations of our parents and their parents, appreciate what they gave us, and work to mend ourselves to make the world around us a little better. We do this by being the parent we always needed, sticking up for ourselves and what we want, and filtering through the shameful messaging and negative self-concepts. I did this the other day. I was forced into a situation of speaking up for myself, a recent practice of mine. I was cornered, and falsely put on display to make others feel better about themselves and their choices. I know I am a good person, a kind woman, a gentle soul, and have autonomy. But for a minute there, I let their shame and demoralizing beliefs seep into my aura. It was a supposed safe space quickly turned on its head. The only way to describe the feeling after I left the unsafe confounds is ICK. I felt SO ICKY. for DAYS. Until I decided to say something. I did something ‘old’ Madison wouldn’t have even dreamed of. I took up space, I didn’t leave wiggle room for ambiguity. I said exactly what I needed to and set a bold boundary. I basically said: if this happens again, I’m O U T ! I felt the immense lifting of my spirits after.

The thing I want you to understand is there is no such thing as old Madison. I am her. I am Madison Renee Katherine and always will be. I have a reason for being here and I deserve respect from others and myself. I deserve to feel supported and loved, not judged or ridiculed. I deserve to live a life shame-free. I trust myself and my divine process.

I was reading the book Healing The Shame That Binds You last night, all cozied up with Lover while he’s in deep artistic concentration. The author Bradshaw states when it comes to shame and growing up, “We are we before we are I”. I was so drawn to this statement I caused a ruckus in bed, squirming out of the duvet to type it on my phone as a text to myself to remember. This sentence, so simple yet so profound is how I set apart my work from others, while simultaneously solidifying our unity. We’re in this together. We’ve got this. I’m proud of you.

Thank you thank you for reading. I appreciate you more than you know xx

Abundant blessings ∞

-madison renee katherine