There's your sign

I think there are future versions of ourselves that we meet in the past, that not only inspire us but serve as reminders that we are on the right path.

At least I have had the experience of meeting people and being so awestruck that they get to live this life, that it made me think deeply about mine, and now that I look back tentatively, I believe that these were guides of some sort, people the universe sent me as little path checkers.

I was recently talking with my friend Sydney about signs and symbols from god or the universe, and sometimes those can be a little vague. Asking for signs needs to be a prayer, not an abstract awakening. You can find meaning everywhere because it is up to us to place it.

One of the main people I think about who was a divine intervention of meeting is my therapist. I started seeing her when I was twelve years old, and it was my therapeutic relationship with her and the modalities she introduced to me that shaped the course of my life. I had always known I was going to be a healer, but I wasn’t sure of what capacity. So many aspects of our lives intertwine with personality, things accomplished, etc. And some might think that she put things in my impressionable mind; however, it is the opposite. As a therapist/the client relationship is protected and vulnerable.

For example, she is witchy, has her own practice, went to graduate school at USF, and is a Reiki practitioner. Is this not similar to my path? As a Reiki level two practitioner (thank you, Annie) and in graduate school at USF to hold my own practice, I’d say this is uncanny.

The next prominent influence I am aware of is someone I actually never met, but her name has followed mine my entire life. My great aunt Katherine was a social worker, dedicated her life to serving others, lived in Brazil and spoke Portuguese, and had an infatuation with music. These are more qualities I share with her. Did I become a social worker because she did? No. But do I think it was somehow in our lineage, and I was made to see it through? yes. My aunt Kay lived a short life, and I can only hope I continue her legacy as a kind human and a social worker. Her life has followed mine as of recent. Her best friend reached out to connect with me recently, which was insane timing because I have been thinking about the women in my family and their history with autoimmune disease. My great aunt died from Crohn’s, my mom has psoriasis, and I have rosacea that shows up with stress. I think about our lineage and its ties to experiencing abuse and silence. I use that reflection on my own life.

Another silly example of this spirit guide, so to speak, is this woman whom I mostly knew via social media. When we were young and spunky, my best friend (now sister) and I would frequent the original local coffee shop in St. Pete. We would spend hours there: Drawing, writing, school work, talking, people watching, stalking crushes. This woman lived in the neighborhood across from us and was probably 8 years our senior. I remember she was having a vintage clothing sale because she was moving to New York City. The sale was in her little apartment right across from the coffee shop. We spent an hour chatting and trying on clothes. I remember reveling in her place, wanting something that cute and all to myself. It was the perfect location, the best size. Continuing to follow her on social media, I found out she was in grad school in New York, becoming a therapist, something I was not aware of until after we met. … Here I am now living in the same neighborhood right by the same coffee shop in the last year of my grad program to become a therapist.

Reading these stories, you may think I could be a stalker. But I promise you these ideas were in my head for my dream life for longer before I met them, and I thought it was pretty unique and special to see or hear about so many women on a similar path and being successful, in charge of themselves, being all of themselves.

I think these reminders are so important. If they are not people, they are energies or feelings of what home is like, what your perfect day is like, what you wish to embody in the easiest and most difficult of times.

The past year of my life has been a lens on the future of my life, and how that looks and feels. I had answers, the same answers I’ve had my whole life, but they were not accepted. Rather, scratched and asked for again. So I tried, in a new font, a new voice, a new tone. Nothing. A year of doubting myself and my intuition, by design, left me breathless, clouded, and drained.

I am definitely in the trenches right now, but that only means I can go up.

While being super vague, more expansion on this later, I made a really difficult decision that was not in my ten-year plan. But somehow, it was exactly what was in store for me to live my dream life. At least that’s what I am telling myself now. It can be hard to accept a sign or gift from the universe when you don’t initially see it as such. But the guides are here to protect you, to remind you that you are on the right path, even if it is beyond your capable imagination. I did this hard thing, and immediately after, saw a double rainbow in the sky. And that is one of the oldest signs from above known to man.

To my friends, family, and community that has held me recently while I unravel and put myself back together, thank you from all of my being. So many angels and guides in sight!

I have been writing so much for an intense overview of what life looks, feels, and sounds like to me write now, but she needs a little more time. Until then,

Abundant blessings ∞

-madison renee katherine