Stories We Tell
Wow. What a week.
Most of you are from the St. Petersburg area, so to say that the storm's effects were catastrophic holds an appropriate tone. I hope you are all physically safe and able to reach out for local support and resources. I was fortunate enough to be safe and snug at home with Lover, but I cannot say the same for neighbors, friends, and family. My parent’s house is destroyed, and I know they are not alone. The storm traveled all the way through the West Carolinas, and Asheville got hit pretty hard. That city is like a second home to me, and to see so many people and local businesses struggling there is hard.
Truly, yes, what matters most is that you and your family and pets are okay. But it is easier said than done to detach from personal belongings. They are just ‘things,’ and things can be replaced. We live in a world of overconsumption these days. Things also cost money, so that’s a whole other story. But when I see people’s ‘things,’ I see memories, I see a glimpse of their past, their personalities, and stories. Like an etch in the pavement or two initials surrounded by a heart, carved in a tree, it is a mark of time.
In my opinion, you aren’t more 〰spiritually enlightened〰 if you have less stuff or are less attached. I think it’s very human to be attached to things. It only tends to become a problem when these attachments and things mean more than taking care of yourself and your own well-being. Of course we have an iron grasp on our stuff because it is emotional baggage. Our stuff is a metaphor for the stories we tell about ourselves, our non-DNA makeup.
The stories we tell are who we define ourselves as, whether intentional or not, or rooted in truth—or not. It’s how we want to be perceived.
Humans have told stories since the dawn of time for survival. It’s how we share, it’s how we reach out to others in need of connection, they are used to distract a child wandering off into dreamland. Then their precious little mind, just like yours, continues storytelling.
To put it simply, stories are magic.
Stories create portals that transport you to each segment of life. If you take all that you were given and form a story of who you are from that moment on, it leads you to a choice to make. That choice will guide you to the next step, therefore, your next story. So on and so forth. Our stories are ever-evolving as we gain more information about who we are and what we like, and who comes with us in each season of life.
And isn’t it funny how two people can experience something together, and tell two very different stories? A different perspective gained from each party.
This is integral to the communication process, where humans crave sharing information to feel seen, heard, and safe. In therapy, these three tend to be the foundational blocks underneath the pain. We crave this so much that we seem to be addicted to it now via the news and social media. There is information everywhere, growing rapidly like mold spores devouring the sacred space around us. We as a collective, have never thirsted for information more. I think many of us dispute this information like water from a burst pipe because we grew up in spaces that didn’t allow us to speak up, or lacked very important information. This key information being: I love you, you are safe, you are worthy of unconditional love. So we take it when we can get it. This coping mechanism may lead us to overthinking and overanalyzing context. May you use this next time you ruminate: Maybe your anxiety is not the truth, and just a story your body is telling, based on past feelings of un-safety and unworthiness?
As much as I say to trust your body with your whole being (I still agree with myself here), your body holds onto things, just like our external lives want to hold on to our physical things. The body will let go, but it has a hard time doing so because of our primal instincts to feel good. Our bodies seek pleasure, safety, and comfort above all else. And other situations will cause stress. You will feel it physically and mentally. Take a moment and sit in a deep breath, scanning your body for any stress and tension, and softly releasing if it feels good… I promise it will. Give yourself grace here; your body is stronger than you think. I’ve had chronic stress-related neck pain for a while now. It doesn’t go away in a blink.
A lot of our stories, because they are because of stress and trauma, are designed to keep us safe, but they also stay a lot longer than what is sustainable. Although it sounds counterintuitive, it is easier for us to sit in that first layer of discomfort and pain because moving through the stress and trauma takes grit, resilience, and a lot of mental-emotional capacity, all of which sit within us, but might not have the window for. This is where we do the basic care. We breathe when we remember, we sleep as much as we can, we move our bodies, and we eat three meals a day. Basic parameters can get you a long way.
Okay, now what happens when we feel like we are ready? We feel that spark to take the initiative, our window of tolerance widening as each small self-care practice chips away at the larger sculpture. Here resides therapy, bodywork, asking ourselves questions, limiting our distractions or any negative connotations, weeding through the darkness, and making commitments. Following!!Through!! Within this territory comes change, you mustn’t be afraid, but if you are, do it terrified. And your initial thought of change may be, “Well, my life is going to change, and I must adapt.” Yes. But. You also must be prepared for your story to change, and I think that’s the scariest one of all. To recognize and feel that you may have had a poorly rounded rigid perspective or story told about yourself that was limiting. The story can evolve just as you do. Embrace it. Doesn’t discount any past experience or belief held and put that experience to be wrong. You are in control of your truth. Take that as liberating (rather than limiting)
Dream as if Falkor was taking you to places you couldn’t even fathom. Follow through with those dreams. Make space for a rewrite. Love yourself and your community through the rebuild.
Here if you need me for emotional support always, but especially my St. Pete friends.
Abundant blessings ∞
-madison renee katherine