Hi, I have a reminder for you: You’re actually doing pretty fucking amazing right now. Yes, you who feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Yes, you who have heard other people doubt them or have put all that you’re doing down because they can’t fathom all that you are (would you want to trade lives with that person? prob not). Yes, you who feel like they aren’t doing enough with your life. You’re. Doing. Fucking. Amazing.
Alright, I’ll stop cussing at you. I just wanted to emphasize the fact, because it is so easy to dip into inadequacy, especially when the report comes from someone else's negative self-concept. If you’ve been an active participant of this blog you are well aware of the mirrors in life.
I have dealt with all of these spheres in many capacities but recently they have all come to surface. I’ve had people doubt my abilities, similarly the same people who have applauded success before. I’ve felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I also feel like I haven’t been doing enough. Let me break them down for you and see if you relate.
Soul-suckers
It’s giving dementors from Harry Potter. Ya know, the entities that literally suck the souls of those who are happy, feed off of positive emotions or moments of hope and happiness. They quite literally thrive in communities with high amounts of unhappiness and collective trauma. They lowkey exist here. Am I going to demonize a human that does this? No, remember I am a social worker; therefore, I can intellectualize pretty much anyone’s reasoning for how they present. But it goes without saying that many of us have experienced this personality prototype. Someone who maybe seems at first very invested in your well-being, but as time passes and your light shines, they simply must drag you down to their level. This can be family, this can be coworkers, or people who feel like friends. Isn’t it funny how the whole vibe of the room changes when this person walks in, or you can feel heavier when they start talking? You aren’t making this up. It’s the physical manifestation of their energy presence. You are simply noticing. As much as I want to say distance!!! yourself!!!! sometimes, it is not as easy as we think. This could be a job you depend on, a person you still have to interact with, you are legally tied to, or you just can’t deal with them being out of your life just yet. This is all valid. Part of a culturally informed perspective is acknowledging that Western-American-WHITE perspectives are the ones taught in educational settings and that offering to any community other than those: removing yourself from family is not an option. It’s the individualistic way of living versus the collectivistic way. In most cultures, sticking together is a must; not a choice.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s important to take a deeper look at this person’s life, because they sure aren’t right now. Would you want to take their place? Most of the time the answer is no. So why the hell would you trust their opinion over yours? Just some direct reframing practice. In the nicest way possible, be real with yourself :)
Weight of the world
Does it feel as if you are carrying the entire world on your back? This doesn’t have to mean that you are carrying others’ burdens, but it can. It can also mean that what you are experiencing in life feels immensely heavy. Perhaps it feels like your enemy handcrafted their ideal torture scenario for you as your life lesson. Desperate times. Reminder: you can handle this weight if you work strategically. Not by feeling inadequate or pushing through without self-compassion. Feed off of the self-compassion and let yourself soar. Take breaks, you deserve them. Disperse the weight by allowing someone to take a piece off your shoulders; you deserve it. Re-evaluate what you have on your plate. Does it serve you? Do you need to make new arrangements or new obligations? Can you set aside fewer hours for this if it is moved to another part of your week? Do you need to reinvent the wheel of importance? Or is a waiting game out of your control? Focus on what you can in the moment: your breath, your presence, how you speak to yourself, and what you consume in a day. Do you need a life detox?
Not Enough
The sanctifying urge to deny yourself pleasure is what is handed to us at a very young age. It is the way that Patriarchy keeps its checks and balances. How can I distract them so they forget the raw existence of life is the only meaningful thing? Not your job, not your finances, not what you have materialistically. I’ve found myself sinking into the idea that my dreams aren’t wild enough. I took time to sit with intention and silence, to think about what it is I truly WANT in life. If life knew no bounds, and I could ask for anything, what would it be? I wrote them down and felt them in my bones, and at the moment, it was grand. However, after I reread what I wrote after giving it some time, I had this quick pit in my stomach of ‘Why don’t these things sound as radical as they feel to me.’ I sat with that instead of feeling sorry for myself, though, because at least I knew that these were all a reflection of me and my true desires. Things I thought I didn’t deserve before and oftentimes found denying myself. After time away, I concluded that just simply because these dreams, goals, and ambitions are mine, they are radically true, raw, and exceptional. No more time must be spent on denying myself pure joy and pleasure in life, as my spirit and the spirit of those around me depend on it. Pleasure is the backbone of our lives, whether we accept it or not. Our brains are wired for it; our bodies are meant to feel it, we create our own realities from the pleasure space. I could go on and on here and I might have a separate post coming soon…
You are doing fucking amazing and I want you to be proud of yourself and FEEL PROUD of yourself because you are here. If what crisis counseling has taught me thus far is anything it would be that it is easy to feel so low and consider no other options. So be proud and embody pride for all that you are, even if you aren’t so sure of them yet. They are there.
Also Happy Birthday to this blog! I’m one year old on here! Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me throughout this year here. and I’m so happy to have a little community of 66 of y’all. How cute! I can’t even imagine speaking in front of 66 people, so know that I’m honored to share this space with you.
Abundant blessings ∞
-madison renee katherine
1 year! Amazing!
✨66! ✨