Innerbloom reminds me of finally letting go of that callous of protection. Of what it feels like when your soul intertwines with another that is so true, like the complex system of aspen trees; like the wormhole emblem of stardust.
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Did you know Aspen trees are connected underground through an extensive root system, forming a single organism known as a superorganism? Clusters of aspen trees in groves are actually clones originating from the same root system, and they can spring up after disturbances like fires. I didn’t know this until my coworker mentioned it after her trip to Colorado, where she was surrounded by these trees. I thought
How beautiful?
How special that she wanted to share this tidbit with me?
and how metaphorical.
I tend to always open with humans and nature are all connected and blah blah blah. It’s true and obviously I believe it wholeheartedly. Aspen trees are just another reminder of this.
Home has been a concept at the forefront of my mind recently, and AGAIN maybe it’s because it’s cancer season and we are all about making the home, being home for people, and finding home in others. At least in my experience! Fact check through Astrology Of though haha… in fact the first bolded theme of my 2024 reading with her was HOME BOUNDARIES lmao. I like to check up on it when I’m called to and it couldn’t be closer to the truth. I love having magical friends.
I grew up in many households, my parents being separated and part time living with grandparents, I had to find home in myself. I found home in my mom of course, but I wasn’t with her all of the time, so I learned quickly that relying on someone else isn’t always sustainable. It was a lot of pressure as a child be this mature persona and hold this mature space for myself. It didn’t work out a lot of the times. I felt unsafe in the physical home and felt unsafe in my body. Years of therapy helped tweak that, but like anything, that experience, that feeling, is fluid.
Actually, it then turned radical. I suddenly didn’t trust others to provide that feeling of comfort and safety, so I wouldn’t let anyone try. I would desperately want to be that for others, but wouldn’t let them be that for me. It felt like trying to have control where I felt so out of control a lot of the time and it felt self-destructive, like I was punishing myself, which I have a history of (but not to get into that now). With growth and evolution and just plain ol’ adulthood, things shifted and I started to lean into trust. I did what we all do and lean farther to find my capacity. I maybe trusted people too much, assuming they had great intentions. Reminder that it is so human and paramount to lean in. This is how you find your boundaries, how you learn from yourself. So that is what happened with me, I learned about my capacity for trust and for love. And I love and honor my balanced naievity and protection in trust and love.
That makes it all the harder when you’re in an odd spot in life. Where you outgrow places or people, and home changes.
Where do I feel most at home? In love.
In the words of Phoebe Bridgers (and kayla) “it feels good to be known so well”. With this openness, you can find someone who is a witness to your life. Someone you get to share home with. And that doesn’t necessarily mean physical space, but of course that’s included. But it means consolation, warmth, all the exciting things and all the terrifying things about life. It’s been a wild journey of having someone know me so well, even when other people have been in my life longer. It’s as simple as talking about our shared ideal cactus garden 🥲. But truly it isn’t simple. This connection is one I have crafted my whole life. It is what I have been working towards this whole time. It’s the anodyne of my existence.
𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹
So as I navigate the concept of home in physical spaces that aren’t always safe, I remind myself that I find it in myself, in him, in my cat, my sister, my friends, the journey, and all the synchronicities that show their face along the way.
Where are you most at home? Let me know ;)
Abundant blessings ∞
-madison renee katherine
This is absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing !