down, out, in, up !
sleep, eat, spin repeat.
sleep, eat, spin repeat.
As I’m sure you know, I’ve been taking indoor cycling classes for 7 years now, which to think about is actually kooky bananas. I fell in love with it instantly, the heart pumping and feeling like you’re flying sensation. The ‘I actually want to quit so bad but I’m not going to’ vibe is addicting.
It was the first space where I felt like I could take up space. That I could be loud and bold in myself. To be bewilderingly raw, true, and proud.
I was taking a class this morning, and if you didn’t know, the instructor cues little pieces of choreography depending on the class. I love the other part about spin because I am a dancer at heart. When we did some choreo today, this concept immediately flowed to me. One of the moves is called a low push-up, and you’re moving your arms down, then pushing your elbows out, bringing them back in, and popping your body back up when riding the bike.
It’s cued as down out in up.
and a spark lit up in my busy mind, and it hit me. Is that not the code of life? You start upwards, going forward, and something happens to where you go down. you come to a low point and dip into the valley. When you are in this down/low self-concept, you are naturally expanding, because without trial and tribulation, how are we supposed to ever grow? So we expand. We expand in our capacity to feel, hold, and overcome all that was sent our way. Even when things feel like you can’t take it, or you aren’t doing a great job at managing it. Then, we head back in. We made that room for expansion, and now we must take it and go inward. If we don’t take what we learned and apply it to ourselves, the lesson is destined to repeat. Then we rise. We rise and take and apply all that was learned in our hibernation and sadness and grief, and move forward once more.
I had a whole outline for another post on here, but it suddenly didn’t align with my inner world. TBH right now she is in the down-and-out part of the dance! But that’s okay because when things start to feel wish-washy and energy starts to cluster, it only means it is about to clear, and suddenly you’ll be inward, applying all the information you attained, and heading back up. It makes me think of this song:
The down
The down feels, well, down. An event happened, or incident that causes panic, redirection, or chaos in your life. Your nervous system is triggered. Your heart can be palpitating, you get sweaty, your body tenses up. You may feel the need to run away, or the inability to get out of bed. This is where your protective parts come in. Often times, the part of you that’s triggered is the one speaking up and protecting you in this moment. For example, let’s say your boss yelled at you at work, or made you feel embarrassed. This may trigger the part that first felt this shame or embarrassment. Maybe you were five and got in trouble and were punished unfairly. Or you were bullied in grade school. This five year old version of you stays with you, and they are brought up to take the reigns because, hey, they’ve been through this before. This is why being aware of your reactions and where you gravitate in times of need and panic like this matters. If you get to understand yourself better, you can have more compassion for little you. Coping skills are recommended in this stage because often times we need that temporary relief before diving in and working through. We don’t live in a time that emphasizes how time and healing space can help us, and we are likely forced to keep on keeping on. Thats why short-term care for yourself is crucial.
The out
The out is the expansion. One of the most important parts and the one we turn our heads from the quickest. I don’t need to grow anymore! I know enough about myself! Not another lesson! Honey, life is full of this shit and you can’t get away from it. The universe is like that ex that is trying to connect with you on LinkedIn because they’re blocked on every other platform (IYKYK, Chloë). In other words, the Universe won’t back down and she will always pivot. See how much she cares about you?! But really though, here is where you grow your wings! You gain new insights, new perspective. You learn about your capacity to feel and hold things, and continue on the path that feels the most like you, despite what you feel your odds are. You persevere. You blossom. You are one step closer to your dream life. You are unlocking the next level.
The in
Wow, how exhausting was all that learning, right? Here’s when you start to pick up the pieces. Where you start to feel grounded once more. You’re taking the lessons that resonate an applying them to how you live your life, how you treat others, and how you allow them to treat you. Patterns break here. Unprecedented bullshit goes to die here. No more not sticking up for yourself and not asking for what you need.
The up
The revolution is here! You have unlocked the next level. Take all that you learned and grew into and embody that! Here you are, and you are unbeatable. Remember: its alllll bound to happen again. But look how you triumphed!
Life truly is light, dark, light again. And I truly believe it’s purpose is to push us and force us to look inward, and just become better people as we move along. Find our own purpose in what it means to live in general. What are your values? How have they changed in the past year? Every waking moment is actively passing, and that is not meant to alarm you. Its a good thing! How can you make sense of all of this and your place in it all? There is now and the now that used to exist, and the now that is bound to exist. How are you the same and different in all of these nows?
I’ll leave you on that one. I’ve talked to a lot of people recently who feel the same as I do: convoluted, a little bonkers, wishy washy, and unaware of next steps. You may be in the down and out level, and that’s actually so cool because you’re about to be so freaking uppppp!!! I can’t wait.
Abundant blessings ∞
-madison renee katherine